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Sep. 26th, 2020 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Harrow is having a slow-motion argument with the Bar over breakfast. She wants water and a little bread, and the Bar does not agree that this is a breakfast.
She has rejected an omelet, a breakfast sandwich, and biscuits and gravy. The Bar is trying a bowl of porridge on her and she's considering it. (She hasn't noticed it has raisins in it yet.)
She has rejected an omelet, a breakfast sandwich, and biscuits and gravy. The Bar is trying a bowl of porridge on her and she's considering it. (She hasn't noticed it has raisins in it yet.)
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Date: 2020-10-02 11:33 pm (UTC)"So I will only have to live at the bottom of lake for several days, not forever," he says.
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Date: 2020-10-02 11:43 pm (UTC)"My experience with such things is trivial. But surely once you know for certain, you will be able to find a way forward together." She colors faintly under the paint. "As... lovers or simply... zhiji."
Her pronunciation is mediocre, but she's only heard it twice, and it has a couple of difficult consonants in it.
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Date: 2020-10-02 11:49 pm (UTC)All words have fled; all he can do is stare at Harrow in pure shock.
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Date: 2020-10-02 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-02 11:58 pm (UTC)"He told you?"
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Date: 2020-10-03 12:01 am (UTC)"It is a word I learned here, from one who has experience with the concept," she says guardedly.
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Date: 2020-10-03 12:07 am (UTC)He is breathing a little unsteadily.
"We were, once," he says, helpless. "I thought we were."
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Date: 2020-10-03 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-03 12:16 am (UTC)Swiftly, he pinches the bridge of his nose to swipe the gathering tears from his eyes.
"I told you we had drifted apart before I died, but in truth, Harrow, I pushed him away. Because I thought I could not trust him. And now -- "
Now, he doesn't know what to do. Only that his chest burns with raw feeling, so intense he fears he will never be able to ignore it.
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Date: 2020-10-03 12:26 am (UTC)"That seems to me the far more important question than anything--carnal."
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Date: 2020-10-03 01:18 am (UTC)What he thinks of is sitting curled up on the floor of the washroom, wracked by so much pain he could only breathe enough to sob the air right back out of his lungs. The small sliver of light on the other side of the door. Lan Zhan's voice, quiet and calm: You are not fine, but you will be.
How he did not hide forever, as he thought he might, but instead chose to walk back out into the light. To the softness of a shared bed; to music, hummed softly against his hair.
To Lan Zhan.
Oh, he thinks. Maybe this is why.
"I do trust him," he whispers. Soft wonder unfurls through the words like a flower blossoming. "I forgive him."
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Date: 2020-10-03 01:33 am (UTC)"I must tread carefully," she says. "For I hold more than just your confidences. But... I think, if you do forgive him, that there is nothing you can lose by telling him of your feelings. Not truly. Only the risk of embarrassment, weighed against the possibility of..."
Her face grows warm. "Of possibility."
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Date: 2020-10-03 01:45 am (UTC)"I have survived worse than embarrassment, I suppose." His mouth quirks, wryly. "I have not survived everything, but I have still survived worse. Though I apologize in advance if I am miserable for several more days after making a fool of myself again. I'll get over it."
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Date: 2020-10-03 01:52 am (UTC)"Your apology is accepted."
The now-thoroughly-cooled porridge vanishes and is replaced with a thick slice of bread. It is slathered in jam, but for whatever reason the Bar has been moved to compromise.
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:00 am (UTC)He catches movement at the corner of his eye, and glances to the slice of bread Madam Bar has seen fit to provide. "She seems to be fussing over you this morning."
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:08 am (UTC)The Bar responds to this by producing a piece of paper--not a napkin, as is usual, but something narrower and flimsier; a receipt. Harrow reaches to crumple it up.
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-03 02:19 am (UTC)There is something tight and uncomfortable in the way Harrow discusses this topic.
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:22 am (UTC)"Madam Bar," he says, as he places his palm flat against the wood and inclines his head in a small bow. "You would not switch my meals with Lan Zhan's with no warning, would you? Show mercy to Harrow."
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-03 02:34 am (UTC)It materializes, and he removes the lid before nudging it toward Harrow. Even from a handspan away, it smells strong enough to make the nose tickle.
"That is what I put in my congee every morning," he says. "Enough of it that some of my friends wondered how I tasted anything at all."
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Date: 2020-10-03 02:36 am (UTC)"We had little variety or luxury on the Ninth; I am not accustomed to strong flavors or excessive sweetness. Lady Ingress tried to press a concoction called 'milk shake' on me. One spoonful was sufficient for a meal."
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Date: 2020-10-03 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-10-03 04:46 pm (UTC)The Bar, incensed, conjures up the remains of Harrow's last several meals - an unfinished bowl of broth; a ration bar only nibbled at; a dish of roasted snow-leeks half-eaten; more bread, at most three-quarters consumed.
Her jaw tightens. "You may take it away," she says acerbically. "There is no need for these theatrics."
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Date: 2020-10-03 04:55 pm (UTC)Cautiously, he asks, "Is that... usually how much you eat?"
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