we_bring_hell | (no subject)

"I don't know."

He seems to be saying that quite a lot in this conversation, he thinks, and they have only been speaking for five minutes.

"It may not be? It would be unexpected for a cultivator of his standing to pursue men instead of women. That is all."

She frowns. "Indeed? How strange." The Empire is a lot of things, but it's not biphobic.

"Well, that could be a issue, yes," she says calmly. "If he truly feels strongly about it. But no reason to make assumptions."

"I suppose not."

There's an odd little spark of hope in his chest as he says that. No reason to make assumptions. He has made truly a lot of them in the last day, hasn't he? Not just in Lan Zhan's preferences, but in, well. Everything. His own actions, Lan Zhan's responses, a steadfast belief that he must know what the other man is thinking...

It might be a foolish hope. But it is more hope than he had a moment ago.

Edited 2020-10-02 17:42 (UTC)

"In truth I have always considered myself something of an oddity for it," she says. "That I have never had any interest in young men, even beautiful young men like you and Lan Wangji."

"So you do think me beautiful? I wondered if the similarities to Mianmian extended that far," he says with a small laugh. "But ah, I should not tease -- I am sorry, Harrow."

He waves an apologetic hand, then tucks it back against his cheek.

"It is not an unheard-of thing in my world; only one that is not often spoken about. It's the providence of notorious gossipers, not polite company."

She shrugs at his apology. "It truly does not bother me. As an aesthetic object--yes, certainly. But it kindles no desire in me."

"Perhaps I misunderstand--you are saying that it is a matter of prurient interest to...? Be so single-minded in your desires?" This seems to contradict what he said a moment ago.

He frowns slightly, puzzled.

"How do you mean?"

Yes, probably time to slow down and get their antecedants straight. "In the Empire, it is taken as a matter of course that gender does not determine your interest in marital or reproductive partners. Some fraction of individuals have strong preference one way or another, but it is not common, and in matters of political marriage, for instance, it would not be taken into account."

"No one would care if I married a man or a woman, although it would be taboo to marry a necromancer of another House. Indeed, most strictures around marriage have to do with House inheritance."

"I admit I am having trouble following what you are describing of your own world."

Edited 2020-10-02 18:19 (UTC)

"I see. Well, ah..."

He straightens up a little. (So to speak.)

"A sect leader would need to marry their opposite for the sake of an heir. That is the face they present to the world -- if they wish to have a relationship with another in private, that is their business, so long as it does not bring harm or disrespect to their family. Which is difficult," he adds, "but not impossible, I suppose. Anyway, some find the idea more scandalous than others, which is where the gossip comes in."

She frowns, quizzically." Oh--of course. You have no reproductive technology. Of course your marriages must support biological reproduction."

Even through the paint, her face says clearly, yuck.

He blinks.

"How else would we...?"

Honestly, he isn't sure he wants to know the answer to the question, but. Damn his eternal curiosity.

"We have technology," she says, "to combine the genetic code of two parents and gestate the fetus. It's incredibly uncommon for a parent to undergo... gravidity... personally."

"The Ninth's creche technology was limited, but even on Drearburh we are decanted, not truly 'born.'"

Wei Wuxian did not get as far as he did by being unable to adapt swiftly to new elements, ideas, and environments. He's exceptionally good at taking things in stride. So it says a lot that this is the first time he has ever looked at his friend as if to ask, What the hell, Harrow?

"Huh," is all he manages out loud, after a long moment.

This is so far outside any possible framework he might have that he doesn't know where to begin.

"Pragmatically, even setting aside matters of squeamishness, it allows for any two parents to reproduce," she says. "And it is safer. Especially between two necromancers, viability of the fetus is often touch-and-go, even in the controlled environment of a gestation unit. Not to mention the risk pregnancy poses to the child-bearing parent."

"But perhaps these risks are greater in post-Resurrection humanity," she says, with the fastidiousness of someone trying to make every allowance.

Edited 2020-10-02 19:23 (UTC)

Ah. If it is something done for health, then that, he can understand: he has seen the infirmary and knows the healers work with tools far beyond his current understanding. It is still very, very strange to think of a child growing wholly separate from its mother, planted in such a cold and barren field. Decanted, said Harrow, like wine.

"They may be," he says, finding his thoughts. "I think there will always be risks when a woman is with child, but I have never heard of them being so -- extreme, as the ones in your world. I see why it would require measures of that nature."

"In turn, I can see why couplings that can produce pregnancy are more common in a world without modern fertility technology," she says. "Yet I cannot believe it changes the nature of human beings themselves."

"Lan Wangji has shown a tremendous willingness to re-consider your world's taboos in light of new information, rather than merely reacting automatically." She is thinking of the reverent way in which he returned her journal. "I cannot think that if he is drawn to you, such opinions will sway him."

He cracks a lopsided smile. "He is that," he says, "and he is also very stubborn. It may be."

The smile fades, and he drags his hand down his face.

"Of course he is also very used to following endless, meaningless rules that dictate everything from when he can rise in the morning to when he can sleep at night."

"Yes," she says. "Yet in my experience, he does not allow those rules to harm those he cares for. Have you seen otherwise?"

"If the Eighth House kept the tome as Lan Wangji does, their reputation would be other than it is."

He could crack a joke about how those rules cost him a very nice bottle of Emperor's Smile once, but he knows that is not what Harrow means. (And even if it was, one could further argue that he and Lan Zhan barely knew each other then.)

"No," he says, quietly. "No, I have not." He lifts his hand as if in a shrug. "And he has already broken them for me, in the eyes of his sect. He did not reject the crooked path."

She nods. "I really think there is no obstacle other than his feelings, Wei Wuxian. Do you truly fear he would judge you for seeking companionship? Or desire anything but your happiness?"

"What is it you fear?"

"That he will turn away from me."

He cannot look at Harrow any longer.

"That I will -- ruin this."

That I will lose my last piece of home. The one good piece remaining. The one who knows me best, even still; even after all I have done.

However Wei Ying sees me is his choice. That is what I accept.

"No," she says simply. "I do not believe there is anything that could do that, Wei Wuxian."

"He may not reciprocate your desires. It may be excruciatingly awkward." Amazing pep talk, Harrow. So good. "But abandon you? No."

Though he is still looking down at the bar, he cannot help but crack a smile at her brutal honesty.

"So I will only have to live at the bottom of lake for several days, not forever," he says.

Her lips curve faintly. "I, too, value my dignity highly. But you have said the current situation is untenable."

"My experience with such things is trivial. But surely once you know for certain, you will be able to find a way forward together." She colors faintly under the paint. "As... lovers or simply... zhiji."

Her pronunciation is mediocre, but she's only heard it twice, and it has a couple of difficult consonants in it.

His head snaps up.

All words have fled; all he can do is stare at Harrow in pure shock.